The real reason behind Labor's carbon tax
From Ride Happy's political reporter in Canberra:
Confusion reigned in Canberra yesterday as the government was forced to clarify their positon on carbon emmisions trading. Until today, political analysts had believed that Labor's proposed carbon tax was the result of a compromise reached with the independent ministers who hold the balance of power in their minority government. However, today this presumption was quashed as Labor confirmed that a faulty press leak was responsible for the word 'fibre' to be left out of 'carbon fibre tax', and that in fact the new tax had nothing to do with climate change. Rather, the new 'carbon fibre tax' proposed by Cabinet was a direct slingshot at Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and was intended to reduce the total number of overweight corporates gladding about on $20,000 carbon fibre bikes.
Under Labor's proposed carbon fibre tax, scenes like this will be a thing of the past
A Labour representative released the following statement:
'Australia is facing uncertain times and we now know that the trend toward the purchase of high-spec carbon fibre bikes is here to stay. A tax on carbon fibre will help preserve the future of our country by hitting those who use carbon fibre the most - the corporate suits with high disposable incomes. No more can we deny that carbon fibre tredleys are a reality.'
Spokesman for the Opposition told media that the proposed carbon fibre tax was yet another 'Big New Tax' by the Gillard government and would ultimately cost jobs and hurt the economy.
Opposition Leader Tony Abbott confronted the media today wearing full lycra in defiance of the new carbon fibre tax.
'It's clearly because Julia Gillard doesn't like to see Tony Abbott in lycra,' Tony Abbott declared. 'If she looked as good as I do in spandex there's no way we would see this tax put forward.
'The carbon fibre tax will disrupt business by forcing decent, hardworking businessmen and women to pay over the odds for their right to ride Super Record, or else seek alternative frame materials. I'd even go so far as to say Julia Gillard is in cahoots with the titanium frame manufacturing industry.
'The Opposition accepts that carbon change is a reality. But the scientific basis for the change and how best to deal with it remains to be seen.'
The Prime Minister could not be contacted for comment.
Ride Happy, Canberra.