Lisa's Mum interviews David Millar's legs

Lisa’s Mum has been at it again. Fresh from supervising the CWA scone tent at the Royal Adelaide Show, Mum headed straight for the Chrono des Nations, where she caught up with David Millar’s legs enjoying a well-earned rest after setting a new course record for the TT. Please excuse any errors & omissions in the interview transcript, those legs sure do have a strong Scottish accent.


Lisa’s Mum: Mr Millar… um… Mr Legs… um, David. Sorry, what should I call you?


David Millar’s Legs: Well wee lassie, David has lots of names for us. Sometimes, we’re his Mortar & Pestle. Other times we’re his Bread & Butter. Lately he’s taken to calling us the Scottish Thighlands. But you can just call us DML, which incidentally is our rapping name, for when we pursue a career after cycling.


Lisa’s Mum: OK, DML it is. Now tell me, you’ve had a massive month. Gold at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi, 2nd at world champs, and now a new course record for Chrono des Nations. And a tidy 10th at the Vuelta time trial to boot. How are you feeling?


DML: Well, obviously, we’re happy. I mean, mostly happy. We’ve been able to deliver for David when he really needed us, so that’s good. But we’re a bit disappointed too. We rode our guts out for him and do you think we get any recognition? No! It’s all “preparation” and “discipline” and missing rear breaks and stumpy helmets. Where’s the “Well, I am happy to accept this win but it was my legs who really delivered today”?? How do you think 2 legs are going to share one gold medal? The problem with this sport is that there’s too much emphasis on the individual. No one cares about the team around him who brought him to the finish line first. We’re just cannon fodder to him.


Lisa’s Mum: Really? Do you think David doesn’t care about you? What about all those rubs?


DML: Oh yeah, we do get looked after. I mean, we are high performance animals after all. We get shaved regularly and once a month we get a little exfoliation. And sunscreen. Boy, do we get a lot of that. But all we’re asking for is that one day in they put up a picture of us, and not his face. What did his face ever do? It’s not even aero!


Lisa’s Mum: There must be other parts of David that contribute to the win. What about his heart? And his head?


DML: Lady, his head was the idiot who got him into all his doping trouble. Granted, it got him out of it too, but it’s got a lot of brownie points to make up yet. As for his heart, well, I guess it does do some work but it also gets to carry the medal at the end of the day, right? You put a picture in the news and there it is, front page centre. Such a media hussy.


Lisa’s Mum: So where to from here then? Do you have a nice end of season break lined up?


DML: Oh, do we ever! First we’re going to hit the beaches in Thailand. Then we’re heading to Scandinavia for some ice fishing. We want to do some volunteer work too, you know, to give back to the community. Maybe volunteer teaching in Africa.


Lisa’s Mum: Wow. Does David know about these plans?


DML: As if! David goes where we take him. And he owes us too, so he’d better be booking us business class seats.


Lisa’s Mum: DML, this has indeed been an illuminating interview. Thanks for your time.