Stage 7- the flight back

Ok, there's not really a stage 7 and the racing is over but the tour continues. This stage takes place in sydney airport, with a kermesse-style arrangement through passport control, customs (try getting 50 cyclists+bikes+wheels through quarantine at once) and finally through domestic transfer. Our team plan hit a snag when Sarah '1.2kgs' Roy abandoned the stage in Sydney (to be fair, she does live there). As designated team leader i demanded protection from the rest of my team but they refused to line up their baggage trollies to shield me from the hoards of punters in domestic transfer. Bron 'Jessica Biel's stunt double' Ryan and Alex 'No.11 special fried rice' Carle heard the bell go for last 3 laps and hightailed it to Canberra. It was then the team plan went out the window and it was every man for himself. I missed my connection to Melbourne and turned out every crit-riding, bunch bitch trick in the book to skip the queue but succeeded only in getting angry. Unlike the previous few days, there was no one here to hand me bidons in the queue or to scream encouragement about how great i was queuing. My phone rang. It was ben, 10 people behind me but quickly losing the will to live. Oh great. If our team manager goes down, what hope is there for us?

Bec 'Imma! Imma!' Halliday was last seen boarding a flight to Perth. I suspect she will arrive before I get to the end of this queue. As for Laura 'What does white chocolate gelati taste like?' Luxford, i just hope she made it out of here alive.

To make matters worse, i have just realised that it has been 8 DAYS since my last coffee. And i'm still in Sydney airport. The only way is up.