Ask Lisa's Mum

Lisa's Mum is still basking in the afterglow of her fashion-inspired posts on Ride Happy. You may remember her pearls of wisdom on Jersey selection for the recreational cyclist and wardrobe tips for the urban fixie rider. In fact, it is fair to say that Lisa's Mum is held in high regard on the cycling catwalks of Milan. It was no surprise, therefore, when she received the following appeal for advice from a fan:

Dear Lisa's Mum

I'm looking for something which will set me apart from the cycling crowd. I am quite fond of my bottom but it doesn't quite look big enough in anything that I wear. I also like fluoro yellow and reflective strips. What can you suggest?

Fashion Conscious, South Yarra VIC

Dear Fashion Conscious

I have just the thing for you. Behold - the Reflective Bum Flap!

 This thing of beauty arrived in a package only last week from my Italian handservant Guido. As well as being my handservant and being fluent in 5 languages, Guido runs Le Peleton Chic, a boutique cyclery for the fashion conscious. Every so often, Guido comes across an item that is so exquisite, and so delicate, that to release it to the general public would be to commit a crime almost as serious as wearing undies under your knicks. These items he packs lovingly in Belgian lace and sends to me across the seas by albino carrier pigeon. Sometimes these packages can take a while to arrive (depending on how tired the pigeon is), but they are always exquisite. This was one of those times.

You will be pleased to know that when tested on a fleet of greyhounds, the Reflective Bum Flap made even the skinniest one look like it was packing pies. I am also told that J.Lo has ordered 5 of them to complement her Grammy-award-winning booty.

Fashion Conscious, consider your troubled times over.

With love,

Lisa's Mum

Thanks to Llama for the heads up on the delightful bum flap. And apologies to anyone working at Avanti who may have been offended by this post or blinded by the bum flap while working in the factory. If you have found a crime against fashion, Lisa's Mum would love to hear from you.

World Pav-Eating Championship (incorporating the 2011 UCI Tour of NZ)

You may recall that the Lower Hutt (nr Wellington, NZ) recently hosted the 2011 UCI World Pavlova Eating Championships at the end of the Tour of NZ. Despite a late surge from Japan, the championships were won by a B. Farley, Esq of Australia. Mr Farley moonlights as the VIS bicycle mechanic but it's clear that pav eating is his passion. Ride Happy has secured some footage of Round 5 of the 2011 WPEC, in which Mr Farley suffered a rare defeat by unseeded challenger Madamoiselle S.Roy of Geelong (formerly Sydney). Both did the VIS proud in the championships and are commended on the speed, grace and sheer volume of pavlova consumption.

Any potential sponsors wishing to support either Mr Farley or Mlle Roy can find them in the dessert section of their local supermarket. Thanks to Roy for providing the video.

MTB for sale

If anyone out there is looking for a nice hardtail mountain bike, I'm selling mine. It's a great bike and hasn't been used much - I never seem to get the time! First in, best dressed - drop me an email at jacobs.lisa@gmail.com
Stats:
Frame: B1 (Euro Dutch brand) - 17" (I'm 177cm tall) - triple butted aluminium (ie it won't crack on you like carbon can...)
Groupset: Full Shimano XTR
Wheels: Bling-bling Mavic race wheelset with tubeless Schwalbe Racing Ralph tyres
Forks: Skareb
Where's my carbon fix? FSA carbon cranks and handlebars
Price: $1750. Or, if you're a nice person, let's talk.

Ride happy!

*NOW WITH PHOTOS* Oceania champs

Thanks to Jarrod Partridge @ Cyclingtribe.com for the photos

I'm afraid I don't have much to write about the Oceania champs, other than that they were a pretty painful reminder of how frustrating the injury management process is. I worked hard for VIS teammate Bridie O'Donnell (as did the rest of the Jayco-VIS crew) and she came 2nd, but I spent the next day packed in ice and not able to ride much. C'est la vie.

L-R: Sarah Roy, Bridie O'Donnell, Laura Luxford, me

The 'O-shees' were held in Shepparton, VIC, which is of course the home of the SPC Ardmona canning factory. Knowing how fond athletes are of living on baked beans, the organisers thoughtfully selected a host city that would satisfy our need for both racing and purchasing discounted bulk foodstuffs. I will not tell you how much I spent on beans; suffice to say it exceeded my coffee budget for the month and it's probably best you avoid standing downwind from me for the next year or so. My excitement at visiting the SPC factory was matched only by my gratitude toward the barista who saved the day with a caffeine hit moments before. My first aid recollection is rusty, but I'm pretty sure the 'C' in St John's DRABC stands for Coffee. It was hard to say who was the biggest hero that day - Shara Gillow for doing the double (now 2011 Oceania RR & TT champion!), the barista, or the servo attendant on the way home who provided both steamed AND fried dim sims. Let's call it a three-way tie.

Best of luck to all the guys and gals who are jetting off to Europe for the first world cup. Allez!! For me, this week promises to be filled with gym, physio, massage and pilates reformer machines. I'm going to nail this bastard.

Ride Happy

Blog #5 of the Blog-A-Day Challenge: The Carbon Fibre Tax

The real reason behind Labor's carbon tax

From Ride Happy's political reporter in Canberra:

Confusion reigned in Canberra yesterday as the government was forced to clarify their positon on carbon emmisions trading. Until today, political analysts had believed that Labor's proposed carbon tax was the result of a compromise reached with the independent ministers who hold the balance of power in their minority government. However, today this presumption was quashed as Labor confirmed that a faulty press leak was responsible for the word 'fibre' to be left out of 'carbon fibre tax', and that in fact the new tax had nothing to do with climate change. Rather, the new 'carbon fibre tax' proposed by Cabinet was a direct slingshot at Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and was intended to reduce the total number of overweight corporates gladding about on $20,000 carbon fibre bikes.

Under Labor's proposed carbon fibre tax, scenes like this will be a thing of the past

A Labour representative released the following statement:

'Australia is facing uncertain times and we now know that the trend toward the purchase of high-spec carbon fibre bikes is here to stay. A tax on carbon fibre will help preserve the future of our country by hitting those who use carbon fibre the most - the corporate suits with high disposable incomes. No more can we deny that carbon fibre tredleys are a reality.'

Spokesman for the Opposition told media that the proposed carbon fibre tax was yet another 'Big New Tax' by the Gillard government and would ultimately cost jobs and hurt the economy.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott confronted the media today wearing full lycra in defiance of the new carbon fibre tax.

'It's clearly because Julia Gillard doesn't like to see Tony Abbott in lycra,' Tony Abbott declared. 'If she looked as good as I do in spandex there's no way we would see this tax put forward.

'The carbon fibre tax will disrupt business by forcing decent, hardworking businessmen and women to pay over the odds for their right to ride Super Record, or else seek alternative frame materials. I'd even go so far as to say Julia Gillard is in cahoots with the titanium frame manufacturing industry.

'The Opposition accepts that carbon change is a reality. But the scientific basis for the change and how best to deal with it remains to be seen.'

 The Prime Minister could not be contacted for comment.

Ride Happy, Canberra.

Blog #4 of the blog-a-day challenge: Something cycling-related (for a change)

CT, Megan and I living it up at Giro del Trentino last year

I ran into a friend a few weeks ago in NZ and she asked me what I was up to this year. She read my blog, but fairly pointed out that it wasn't very useful in telling her about my cycling career. I figure some of you may be thinking the same. I generally try to avoid writing about useful factual stuff like race results and stats, but it's time for a brief factoid post.

I've been managing injury since Sept 2010. Basically, it's a pelvic/hip problem which has been causing a series of related injuries in my left quad, hip and knee. It has been an immensely frustrating period but lately progress has been good and we are all optimistic that full recovery is not far away. I have been looked after very well by the VIS team of specialists, without whom I would have cracked. The injury meant that I had to miss nationals and am only just returning to racing now. It is a slow and frustrating process.

I chose not to pursue a team contract overseas for this year. Racing in Europe is great but so is my career, my life and relationships in Australia and the best combination for my general happiness is to do a bit of racing o/s without spending the whole year away. My plan had been to train up a storm over Summer, and get results at nationals, Tour of NZ and Oceanias that were good enough to go overseas with the national team for some cool races in 2011 - like what I did last year. Unfortunately, getting injured put paid to my master plan.

Racing in NZ... but not quite how I'd planned

Rehab has been pretty intense - at one stage I counted up 9 rehab-related appointments each week - and I was getting sick of not making progress. So I've taken some time out from my career as a lawyer to focus on getting back to full fitness and back overseas. The paycheck isn't quite the same but I can be a lawyer for a lot longer than I can be a cyclist, and taking some time out to re-evaluate my career direction will be good for my mental health. I've got a few projects I'd like to give some time to (including rebuilding Ride Happy into something bigger and better) and this is the perfect time to explore them. I'm doing some more writing and am just about to start working with Scody. I've also just been granted a scholarship to study post graduate Law and business strategy, thanks to a partnership between VIS and Open Universities.

So that's about it. Injury is part and parcel of being an elite athlete, and some of us have to deal with it more than we'd like to. I'm immensely lucky to have the support of the VIS and some awesome sponsors (they're listed on the right, but a special shout out to John Hill @ High5, Mel Lambourn @ St Mel and Marcus Speed @ Perfect Pilates - you guys rock). My coach, Donna Rae-Szalinski, is The Original Supercoach, and if anyone can get me back into form it's her. The lovely Andy continues to be lovely. All in all, I am very lucky.

It's hard to be grumpy when you're wearing a cool t-shirt

My race calendar for the next little while looks to be the national road series in Australia, and if I can show some lightning form, maybe some races overseas. At the end of the day, if I ride fast, I'll get overseas. If I don't, I won't. Pretty simple really.

Whew! That's enough factoids for today. Don't worry kids, the Ride Happy you know and love will be back to normal tomorrow!

Thumbs up

What your roof rack says about you

Some people believe that you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. Others say you need to look into their eyes. Lisa's Mum looks no further than a person's roof rack. She has kindly agreed to share her wisdom here in exchange for a cucumber sandwich and a pot of earl grey. Mum's wisdom doesn't come cheap...

The Rear Rack
You like a challenge and think nothing of dangling 4 kids' bikes, a tricycle and Dad's road bike off the back of your car. After all, that's what occy straps are for. You can't put them all on the roof anyway-  that's where the roof box with Mum's nordic walking poles is. You enjoy watching the terrified faces of drivers behind you while you're doing 120kph on the Hume.
Favourite destination: Seaside holiday parks

The Roof Rack (whole bike)

You either own a race convoy vehicle, or are good at remembering not to drive into underground carparks/Macca's drive thru/your carport. Alternatively, you are just too lazy to take off your front wheel each time you drive somewhere. You're probably also quite a tall person, or drive a really short car.
You try to avoid: Driving in crosswinds or under low bridges

The Roof Rack (fork mount): You back yourself to remember to strap in that rear wheel buckle, despite that third coffee. You also back yourself to remember to put your front wheel in the car boot rather than leaving it by the side of the car and subsequently backing over it. Primary qualities: Self-belief and self-confidence.

 Handmade: You are a resourceful chap (or chapette) with a cheap bike and an even cheaper car. You think bike insurance is a waste of money and you re-use tea bags. Favourite tool: Welder.

Other
Your extreme rebellious streak is matched only by your intermittent forgetfulness. As you lift your bike onto the roof of the car, you are sure that it weighed a lot less before the race. Must have been all that mud. It's hard to tell - you forgot your glasses. Now where's little Johnny?

Day 2 of the blog-a-day challenge: Your horoscope for today

Lisa's Mum does enjoy dressing up for the occasion

I normally don't go for horoscopes. When I run out of paper to read, and there is only the Wizard of ID comic strip, the Vice Regal and the horoscopes left, SOMETIMES I read my horoscope. Mostly, it's because I don't like to be pigeon-holed (as in, 'OMG you are, like, SO Virgo!'). Also, I am a bit bored with the star signs we have. I consulted Lisa's Mum about this and she has presented me with her alternative horoscope for the day, based on what you do, not when you're born. Well done Mum.

If you work in an office: Tolerance and stamina are the words for this week as the mail room loses your PBK order. Jupiter's moons align in your barista's orbit to create you the perfect espresso at morning tea time. That annoying colleague who always talks about himself accidentally staples himself to his desk and doesn't show up to annoy you at yours. Opportunity comes in the form of a public holiday and a 4-day week. Your lower back starts to hurt.

If you are a student/athlete/general bum: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you don't have to go to work, you ninny. Go hang out at a cafe and talk about how poor you are.

If you are a born optimist: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you've read The Secret and you know that if you believe it it will be true. Go visualise a parking space at your local shopping centre. Venus entering into the new moon brings with it the promise of untold riches as you find $2 lying on the ground.

If you are a born pessimist: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you haven't been hit by a bus... yet. Pluto's patterns this month indicate that trouble is on the horizon. Could be related to that email you got last week, promising you $1m from that nice bloke in Nigeria. You have a headache. Could be a tumour.

OK, that's all from me today folks. Ride happy... I hope all your horoscope dreams come true.

Warburton Cycle Fest Road Race - 26 March 2011

My computer felt a bit neglected during the great blogging drought of '11

Happy long weekend to those having one! Sorry for the blogging drought. Thanks for hanging in there. Here is my challenge for the week: a post each day this week. It'll be challenging (particularly as house is still sans internet) which makes it half the fun. Lisa's Mum letters required! Please send them through to me at jacobs.lisa@gmail.com.

In the meantime, if you are in Victoria on the 26th of March (or would like a reason to be), get on board the Warburton Cycle Fest Road Race. A good mate of mine is organising it and I reckon he'll do a ripper job.

Patrick Warburton says, 'DO IT!'

Stats are: 113km for A & B grades, 98km for C grade, 83 km for Women & D grade and a Junior race of 53 km. Start time is 12 pm for A grade: 12:05pm for C grade: 12:10 for B grade: 12:15pm for Women’s & D grade. Juniors will start at 12:20 pm. You need a licence to race but you can get one on the day.
Registration/walk-up entries taken from: 11am, @ Wesburn Oval. Entries close: 11.45am. Race starts from Wesburn Park.

Ride happy
LJ

Out of action

Apologies guys for the lack of posting lately. My house is without Internet for the moment, and I'm still working out how to post by iPhone. I've got loads of good ideas for posts though so hang in there and I'll make it worth your while. Oceania champs next week- having some patella problems which is frustrating but not the end of the world. I hear the road race is pancake flat too. Oh to be a sprinter...

Ride happy this weekend folks