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TE Christmas Handicap

Readers of this blog last week would have probably had the impression that Tour of Bright was the biggest and most prestigious race in Vic in December. What I forgot to mention was that ToB also serves as a warm up to THE event of the year, the TE Christmas Handicap.

TE is the bunch I ride with on weekends and I'd safely say it's one of the best organised bunches in Melbourne. Prerequisites to riding with the gentlemen of TE include a penchant for mountains, a fondness for biodynamic pinot and the ability to reel off your PBs for all the major climbs in Victoria. Riding with guys like Mick, Steve, JB and Rudy (and many, many others) is a sure fire way to keep the lactic in your legs and your ego in check.

The Christmas Handicap (a climb up Kinglake) was my get-rich-quick scheme for December as I had put all my rent money on Dave O'Brien getting up for the win. Quicksilver O'Brien looked sharp and his recent meteoric rise in form had me confident that he would be first over the line. QOB's form, however, had not escaped the eagle eye of handicapper and chief commisaire SPK Knight. A couple of late scratchings due to sickness and ill-timed general anaesthetic (get well soon Rudy & JB) left the peleton considerably lighter, and the heavy hand of the handicapper was felt by Mick, Zander and SOB, who found that starting scratch at 34 minutes on a 20 minute climb was a gap even their lightning fast climbing couldn't bridge. Even the Cervelo Test Team sent their newest signing Sharon Laws over with the hope of bringing back the prestigious T.E.C.H trophy to their pool room in Switzerland.

Chief Commissaire Steve wondering whether he could legitimately start Sharon at 40 minutes back

In the end, it could have been either the new bike, the happy legs or the heavy bribe I offered the handicapper, but I made it over the line first and became the 3rd proud wearer of the TE polka-dot jersey (pic above), which has already been delivered to Fitzroy Revolution to be proudly displayed until the next handicap in 2010. Special mention to the 7 PBs smashed today for the Kinglake climb, including Steve, SOB, Mark and Mick who I think all recorded times in the 17 minute-bracket!?! My climb time was 18m35, a PB by almost 40 secs. Hurray for Donna's 2hr ergo sessions! They are working...

The best part of the morning, though, was the christmas cake and coffee session afterwards at Smiths Gully. What a great way to cap off another year with TE.

Cake time!

Next week - Adelaide!

Star light, star Bright

Most cyclists I know look forward to the Tour of Bright with a level of excitement usually reserved for Christmas or the birth of their first-born child. It’s one of the best (and toughest) weekends in the racing calendar, and Ross Walker and the Alpine Cycling Club just seem to make it bigger and better each year.

I, however, this year was looking to Bright in the same way that a pasty British tourist looks forward to a Summer gap year in Australia: it would be fun, I’d see some cool people and amazing scenery, but it would hurt like hell and most likely I’d end up drowning my sorrows in a bath of aloe vera and wondering how far away home was.

My cunning scheme of riding incognito and escaping on a breakaway as an unknown was sabotaged when I discovered that my photo had been plastered all over the race program. Despite creating an impenetrable disguise consisting of different sunglasses and a fake moustache, I was busted at the pre-tour rego on Friday night after failing to conceal my excitement at finding a Michelin man keyring in my rider pack. Life hurts.

Anyway, back to the tour. This year was probably the strongest women’s field ever assembled. ACTAS were definitely the team to watch, with Vicki Whitelaw, Bronwyn Ryan and Miffy Galloway among their GC contenders. Outside of that there were strong contenders from AIS, VIS, SASI, Prime Real Estate and R.A.C.E. Just seeing the line up made me extremely glad I had worn my brown underpants to race rego.

Luckily, none of them had the supreme support of Team Mock, a local outfit (Porepunkah-based) which specialises in pre-race nerves soothing and awesome home cooking. I’d tell you more, but I’m a little afraid they might be poached for next year’s tour by a rival team. My first weekend highlight was storming down Tawonga Gap on Stage 1, turning a corner and being greeted by a barrage of cheers from Andy, Jan, Peta and Jacob. It was awesome.

The way stage 1 panned out really took the pressure off for the rest of the tour. For a moment I thought I had missed the decisive break of the day as a group of 10 women disappeared down the road in the confusion after a crash before the first sprint point, around two-thirds the way through the stage. I was happy staying in the main bunch until I realised that all the teams were represented in the break and that I had no one to help me pull it back. D’oh! Pulling it back meant energy wasted but there was really no other option as there were some handy climbers in the break. By the time we hit Tawonga, we had regrouped, and at some stage early in the climb, a group of 4 – Vicki Whitelaw, Bronwyn Galloway, Steph McGrath and myself – broke away from the rest of the field. Maybe that fake moustache really did work. By the time we hit the bottom of the descent, our break was reduced to 3 (Vicki, Bron and me) with a gap of around 3 minutes on the rest of the field. For me, this was largely thanks to Dr Rudy’s descending tutorials (again, I’d tell you more, but…)

Stage 2 was the ITT, an event dominated by Whitelaw and Ryan. I limited the damage with a 6th place and remained 3rd on GC at the end of day’s play.

Stage 3 was the big kahuna – the Hotham ascent. It’s a testament to Vicki’s class as a tour rider that the rest of us were fighting it out for 2nd on GC even before the stage started. It was clear pretty early on in the race that it was game on for a stage win, with ACTAS and AIS/SASI launching a barrage of attacks and counter-attacks throughout the false flat part of the climb. I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to get away as I did last year, so my aim was to cover any break attempts and make sure that I stayed with the leaders for as long as possible. In the end, it all broke up after we kicked at the ticket box and Vicki and Steph kept tempo, with Bron and I not far behind… to start with. Slowly but surely they edged away, then Bron faded and I ended up climbing by myself in 3rd position. I kept trying to keep the distance between me and Vicki/Steph in check, but they were looking pretty strong. It wasn’t until 500m to go when I realised I had a real chance of overtaking Steph, which I did eventually in the last 200m aided by some most enthusiastic cheering from Dr Rudy on the side of the road.

Dr Rudy chasing me at the top of Hotham. I owed him some money.

Trying to pull back Steph the mountain goat
Overall, I was stoked with the weekend – 3rd on GC, 3rd KOM and a 3rd, 6th and 2nd on the stages. To be honest, my lead up to the tour was less than perfect and although I had been trying to stay positive I was not feeling very optimistic about the weekend on Friday night! It was a huge relief to find our that my form was better than I felt. It's a good sign for nationals.
Big thank you to DC & Sean Hurley & Fitzroy Revolution, who made sure my bike was dialled and pimped to perfection, and to John Hill @ Fastgear for providing High5 sports nutrition. And to the lovely Andrew, whose support and general hug duties were carried out to perfection.
Gunz

BLING!

Today I picked up my new bike... it is an S-Works Amira and I am told it is so fast that it actually rides itself. I pinned it down long enough to take this pic and as you can see it is a beauty! I haven't thought of a name yet but I will put a few on a new POLL (on the right of the page) and you can let me know what you think, or maybe ping a new suggestion to me. A big thankyou to DC at Fitzroy Revolution - I hope I can do you proud on it. In the words of Sean 'The Man' Hurley: "I've only spent one night with it, but I think she's The One."

Goodbye Ginge

Yesterday, the smallest and waggliest member of the Jacobs family, Ginger, died in her sleep. She was a very special little dog and my favourite little old lady (apart from Grandma). Ginger was 14 and a little bit, which is about a bazillion in dog years, but not nearly enough in human years.

She will be missed very much. Right now she is probably chasing her brother Fred in doggy heaven and trying to wrestle her favourite plastic flower pot from him.

Ginger entering into the Christmas spirit

Lisa's Mum previews season 2010

Season 2010 is almost upon us and Lisa's Mum has dusted off her commentary jacket and matching tea towel and pulled up a chair at the table of truth. Mum has made the following bold predictions for 2010. Just a warning, if you are easily offended, you'll have to take it up directly with Mum - I have no control over what she says.

  • Lance will admit, "Actually, it IS all about the bike." In his 14th biography, Lance reveals that earning squillions and dating rock stars and models was OK for a while, but not nearly as fun as busting a lung up Alpe d'Huez and having doping officials watching you pee 4 times a day. His reason for his return? Mike Rann has promised him a trip to Puzzle Park next time he comes to Adelaide for the Tour Down Under. Let's hope his cancer campaign works... at least we know that if he does come up with some miraculous cure drug, WADA won't be able to find it.
  • Cadel's signing to BMC race team for 2010 will come under a cloud when it is revealed that, after an unfortunate encounter between his dog Molly and the BMC mechanic's pet cat, Cadel actually does make good on his promise that, 'If you touch my dog, I'll kill you.'
  • Jan Ulrich will make a return to the sport, 4 years after his disgraced exit from the Tour de France for doping. He'll lose 20 kilos and win a grand tour before mysteriously going AWOL and being found 3 weeks later doing lines with Tom Boonen at the discotheque. His excuse? 'Dr Fuentes told me they were vitamins.'
  • Alberto Contador will still be the world's No.1 tour rider, but the next time he does that stupid little trigger finger victory salute, someone will run out of the crowd and smack him in the face because IT'S REALLY GETTING ANNOYING, ALBERTO.
  • Bike manufacturers around the world join forces to create the world's lightest bike. Made from a unique compound of polystyrene foam and baby duck feathers, the frame will weigh in at 200g (plus fork) and retail for $18,000. Corporate execs around the world are already lining up for the Cadel Evans commemorative edition, which comes with a free Tibetan child.*

You heard it first here from Lisa's Mum. She'd reveal more, but we're just not paying her enough.

*I know, that is POOR TASTE, Mum.

Crit season cometh

Regular readers of this blog (Mum, Dad, crazy stalker man from Poland) will know that I don't often do club races. It's not intentional, it's just that they are often a long way away, and more importantly, they often take place outside the Good Coffee Zone (which, for those not in the know, is a ring around Melbourne bordered by Sassafras, Thornbury and St Kilda, with a separate zone in Geelong). Beyond those borders is a dystopian wilderness dominated by cup-o-chino and Blend 43 (the horror! the horror!). After living in London for 2 years and seeing what lack of good espresso can do to communities, it's all I can do to leave my fancy-pants crema attitude at home and leave the real racing to the professionals.

Luckily, Hawthorn Cycling Club came to the rescue last night with its summer crit series on Kew Boulevard. The races, held at the loop next to the boulevard (known as The-loop-where-I-accidentally-once-picked-up-a-used-studded-leather-g-string-thinking-it-was-a-lost-glove), was a welcome return to club crit racing, with the added bonus of being exceedingly close to my house. For those not familiar with club racing, it involves a diverse community cross-section including young oiled-up whippersnappers talking in breaking voices about how crap their latest school assignment was; weekend warriors ready to unleash the fury they'd really like to take out on their boss/annoying spouse; and darkhorse elite riders flying under the radar to get in some 'secret training' mid-week. Everyone blends in together and just becomes another number on a bike. Curiously, fat old men with $15,000 Bianchis are generally absent from these types of races.

The club reps who organise these races are generally Mother Teresa-like figures who give up their day of racing so others can enjoy theirs. Those who man the registration table and then race themselves are super-human and evidently have found some way of warming up while simultaneously handing out race numbers and providing change. Once I find out their secret, I'm scrapping my regular warmup.

The racing itself is an exercise in racing with unknowns: people you've never raced against before and whose behaviour is unpredictable. Will #36's early break stay away or is this what he does every week? Is #104 going off the front or about to be lapped? Who is that guy spewing his guts out on the side? This is the best bit about club racing - you just never know, so it's all about just putting your head down and going your hardest

Next week... Lisa's Mum dusts off her commentary jacket and looks ahead to season 2010.